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You could see this as a “wake-up call in your marriage to examine problems in the communication between the two of you and to address this.

Of course your husband should not blame you and he must take responsibility for how he has hurt you with his online behaviour, but the two of you must take responsibility for improving the marriage.

It wouldn’t have been as bad if he was just accessing porn, as I know men do this, but the fact that he was talking to other people has really disgusted me.

I feel a bit betrayed and worry about whether I can trust him.

In addition, try to have at least one special evening a week when you get a baby-sitter when you can do some new things together. The biggest prize of a successful marriage is closeness and intimacy – which allow a couple to accept and support one another on a deep level.

Such intimacy is built on communication and friendship and leads to deep affection and a satisfying sex life.

Improving the marriage The discovery of your husband’s online world is a crisis in your marriage but it can also represent an opportunity.

For example you can prioritise a daily talking time with your husband when you share how each of you are doing.

This should be time you have alone perhaps when the children are in bed and to make sure it is distraction free (with the computer and TV turned off).

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However, creating this intimacy is hard work and much harder than the easy escapism of the internet or watching TV or even over-working or domestic chores.

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